Strength in vulnerability

Coming out .. again

So .. this for some reason feels harder than coming out as Gay.. right .. I’ve been semi in the closet with my head buried in the sand for a long time now just because I’ve felt a bit embarrassed maybe? Or maybe I’ve just been a bit chicken and worried that people would think differently of me or judge me.. so I hide things as much as I can so people don’t find out or know too much (including the people closest to me)
but now I feel like it’s such a variable condition with so many things that can happen to you involved with it that it’s important to share your personal stories about your experiences with MS, starting with me growing a pair of furry dice and stop being ashamed of something that’s nothing to be ashamed about..

Often I’m suffering with things and I’m confused why people don’t get it but I guess it’s my own fault because I’m a closed book and it’s important not to push people away when I feel there’s something freeing about coming clean,
The hope is that even if one person can relate to any of these things it would bring them comfort knowing they’re not alone,

I know myself I’d take something from it just because it’s such an isolating thing to suffer with and the only way to slightly curb that is for people to share their stories and be more open about it, I cant expect people to do that without sharing my own stories too..

So here goes… hi my name is Lauren Jamie Fairlie I’m 28 and I was diagnosed in 2010 with relapse and remitting Multiple Sclerosis

Whether this interests you or not is fine.. scroll on haha
But if it does then I hope you enjoy & maybe even just get a laugh out of it or two as well..

I will post as often as I can (most likely just when I have something to say) seems fair

Peace ✌🏽

 

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The steroid “moon face effect”

Moon face effect:

The joys of MS are never wavering, from symptom to treatment it always seems to pack a punch when you need it least! If it’s not a relapse in which you can barely keep your head above water and not go completely out of your mind ,

you then have to contend with the treatment which sometimes can be just as troublesome as the disease itself.. my least favourite right now are the current side effects of the likely well known “steroids “ as grateful as I am to have something in my corner fighting along side me.. you strip me of my little remaining vanity .. kick me while I’m down

let’s talk about the moon face effect? .. just why? As if you haven’t been kicked in the self esteem face a thousand times by this stage ..then the drugs you take to “help” conspire against you.. and your face! Woke up today to find a strange woman in my bathroom mirror, shes got a few extra pounds in her cheeks, eyes & everywhere else..somewhat resembling.. yes .. a moon, who is this monstrosity? Hide her away in a tower guarded by wolves before the townspeople come with pitchforks & let nobody see the freak show that is my face.. take my sight, my ability to walk.. my ability to hold in pee.. but not my face? I am not a vain person, not even close.. but you’ve taken my last remaining me chip you’ve gone in for the cheap shot and floored me .. spare me one small mercy & don’t take my face too!

Anyway that’s quite enough of that, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from having MS is she’s a fickle little b**ch and should be approached with a good sense of humour! & maybe a couple of shots might be good too (although a chance would be a fine thing depending what drugs you’re on) so to sum up.. ms sucks.. treatment sucks.. but I rock, you can’t take that from me.. I’m a rock star, maybe I sometimes might need help & you may kick me when I’m down.. but I will get back up again

“this too shall pass”.. I’ve always liked that phrase when thinking about MS , because it’s something easy to forget when you’re bogged down and overwhelmed..
“ this too shall pass” and it’s so true whether that means the symptom or the treatment effects or the emotional battering .. I can be just as stubborn and I will get back what’s been taken, perhaps a little bruised and worse for wear but still me & I’m taking it back So Suck it .. try me.. even better, fight me? You will not win.